Alt.gothic faq
alt.gothic new? READ THIS FIRST
draft version 4.0.4 "finding a sickness you like"
Changes since 4.0.3 - added net.goth definition - added news reading advice - added welcome
000. Q: Is there a welcome message for alt.gothic?
A: Yes.
00a: Q: Aren't you meant to be open and welcoming?
A: What are you? New?
00b Q: ...
A: Oh. Um, try not to die in a fire.
001. Q: This FAQ seems incomplete! Is anyone working on updating the FAQ?
A: Kest is.
01a Q: What about questions that aren't in this FAQ?
A: I. http://www.darkwave.org.uk/faq/ag/ II. http://groups.google.co.uk/group/alt.gothic/msg/6590b21704f326d6 III.http://www.altgothic.com/wiki IV. Ask. the essence of an FAQ is the AQ, eh?
01b. Q: Can I help write the FAQ?
A: Yes. Talk to Kest.
01c. Q: Didn't this FAQ have a different title last month?
A: Yes. Yes it did.
002. Q: What is goth?
A: A post-punk movement.
001. Q: This FAQ seems incomplete! Is anyone working on updating the FAQ?
A: Kest is.
01a Q: What about questions that aren't in this FAQ?
A: I. http://www.darkwave.org.uk/faq/ag/ II. http://groups.google.co.uk/group/alt.gothic/msg/6590b21704f326d6 III.http://www.altgothic.com/wiki IV. ask. the essence of an FAQ is the AQ, eh?
01b. Q: Can I help write the FAQ?
A: Yes.
01c. Q: This FAQ doesn't match others I've found online! Why?
A: It isn't the same one.
01d: Q: Are you always so curt?
A: No. Sometimes I'm Matthew Broderick.
002. Q: What is goth?
A: A post-punk movement.
02a. Q: What is gothic?
A: It's a little arch: Crude, architechural, musical, barbaric, literary.
02b. Q: What is a net.goth?
A: A poster to alt.gothic, or another newsgroup within the *.gothic.* hierarchy. Those JUSTIFIED by an alt.gothic.INQUISITOR.
2bi. Q: An alt.gothic.INQUISITOR?
A: Blessed are the words of RFC 1036: "The USENET standard is more restrictive than the general Internet Standard"
003. Q: Is X goth?
A: It might be.
03a Q: Is Y gothic?
A: It might not be.
03b. Q: Is emo goth?
A: No. There are some stylistic similarities, but the two are distinct. Emo could be argued as a successor to goth, but history and common sense say otherwise.
3bi. Q: What is emo then?
A: "Goth minus the fucking" / emo is to goth as 14 is to 24
04a. A: It's a SCIENTIFIC FACT.
Q: Crabs? That doesn't seem...
004. A: It disrupts the natural order of conversation, and it causes
crabs. Q: Why can't I top-post?
005 Q: Are there any other SCIENTIFIC FACTS?
A: Yes. I. Top-posting causes crabs. - See 004. II. Excessive quoting makes you look like a campus socialist. - Trim posts you respond to. Leave enough for context. III. Missing attribution is like blackout sex. - What came from where? IV. Posting binaries causes giant crabs. - GIANT CRABS. V. HTML posts cause crabs that won't display in some pubic hair. VI. Cross-posting causes lobsters. VII. The Golden Age is a myth. [8]. Wikipedia is a crab holding a message in a bottle - It's easily broken, usually wet, and it smells a little fishy XIX. Sexbat
006. Q: Why are people flaming/ignoring me?
A: They felt like it.
06a. Q: What do I have to do to get taken seriously around here?
A: Don't ask that question, for a start. Other than that, post well.
06b. Q: Aren't new posters entitled to a little respect?
A: See 000.
007. Q: [Redacted]
A: [Excised]
07e Q: What's that about?
A: [Classified]
07f Q: Do you have any other posting advice?
A: Posting through http://groups.google.com will work, but you may be better served by a proper newsreader and newsfeed. Most ISPs provide news servers, or used to. There are a variety of free newsreaders available for download too. Recommendations from interested parties will be tabulated here.
07g Q: What is the c*b*l?
A: There is no c*b*l. There are, however, a number of * chambers.
07h Q: No, seriously. What is the c*b*l?
A: The c*b*l are not alt.gothic's secret masters. That's the c*b*l.
008. Q: I have something really funny to say to this troll, can I?
A: Yes. We can't stop you. Some situations cannot be solved by jokes. See your local multiplex for examples. If you can resist, do.
009. Q: Do you have any other advice for me then?
A: Lurk. Introduce yourself at some point, it seems to be popular. It might seem fussy, but alt.gothic abides by Scientific Facts. They make conversation easier. The essence is clarity: A post should stand on its own two feet. Buckle up. Wear nice boots.
010. Q: Nice boots?
A: The traditional response is "Wanna fuck?"
-- erith - SCIENTIFIC FAQtologist